AKA Alien 2: Sulla Terror / Alien Terror
Director: Ciro Ippolito
Picture this: you are an Italian cinema goer in 1980 and you sit down to watch the sequel to Ridley Scott’s seminal sci fi horror film, “Alien”. Imagine the excitement, the intrigue, the anticipation and then the crushing disappointment when you realise… this has nothing to do with it. “Alien 2: On Earth” is one of a handful of pseudo sequels to American films produced in Italy (due to a rather convenient loophole in copyright laws) produced in the 70s and 80s (although Bruno Mattei did direct “Jaws 5” in 1995 without the aid of filming any new footage involving sharks).
Alien 2 opens with some out of focus stock footage; quite a lot of it in fact. It soon becomes clear that this is some sort of television broadcast as we hear one of the characters repeatedly mention that they need to put the stock footage sign on the screen otherwise people will think it is a live broadcast. Perhaps this is an acknowledgement from the director that the use of this footage is actually a bit shit. It is not totally clear but the stock footage is meant to depict the imminent arrival of a group of astronauts back from a mission in deep space (however it is later revealed that the spacecraft arrives without the crew).
It eventually cuts to the actual material shot by director Ciro Ippolito (or Sam Cromwell when he wants to sell to an international market) which thankfully doesn’t appear to have been smeared in Vaseline like the aforementioned stock footage. Whilst this improvement in picture is welcomed, it’s soon very apparent that this film is going to have nothing to do with being in space. I guess the “On Earth” subtitle should have given it away but you can’t blame me for being optimistic.
Our lead character is called Thelma (played by Belinda Mayne) and she is being “interviewed” for the television broadcast, which appears to be the most disjointed tv show to ever be put on the small screen. I used quotation marks for the word interviewed because the presenter seems more keen on trying to bag Thelma than finding out what she does. His opening question is “what is it that makes an attractive girl like you, decide to go exploring underground?” The interview is cut short though because Thelma seems to suffer from some sort of distressing psychic vision. Don’t worry though, she is fine in the next scene.
We are then treated to another staple of Italian horror movies: padding. In this case, it’s extended scenes of driving or rowing. What makes it more bearable is the score. Whilst feeling slightly out of place, especially when it’s played over less than dramatic scenes like these, it is quite catchy and interesting to listen to. The rowing scene is also a worthwhile addition for the hilarious moment when the character manning the boat has clearly run aground, but pretends to continue rowing before the camera cuts away.
We then meet Thelma’s group of caving friends at a bowling alley. It feels slightly odd that a group of cavers would meet at a bowling alley but things are going to get a lot more bizarre, so let’s go with it. Among the group of friends is actor and director Michele Soavi as Burt. Full disclosure here, I think Michele Soavi is great and his inclusion in the cast makes for a much more watchable film. Maybe I am being biased as he did direct what is genuinely one of my favourite films: The Church (La Cheisa), but he does have a screen presence, especially compared to some of the actors in this film. Unfortunately this scene highlights a weakness of the film: the audio. As stated before, the dubbing in these films is often poor but that’s something that can normally be put to one side (in fact sometimes bad dubbing makes the films more watchable), but it appears bits of dialogue have been looped to fill in gaps and it is very noticeable. Whether this was on the original release of the film, or if it has been done for this DVD release due to audio being lost over time, I’m not sure but gathering from the quality of the stock footage at the beginning of the film, I suspect it’s been like this all the time.
We then cut to a beach where a young girl is playing whilst her mother sunbathes fully clothed. The girl runs off and happens upon a pulsating rock which rips off or melts her face off. It’s difficult to know which because it happens off screen but the reveal is pleasing and the effect is nicely done.
Before the group go on their next caving trip, there’s a trip to a bar (or something that looks like a bar), some boobs, and Burt finds another strange rock (this time not pulsating) whilst taking a piss outside. Burt gives it to Thelma as a present, presumably without telling her he had his dick hands all over it.
The group arrive at the cave for their next expedition and tool up and make their way down into the darkness. This scene is very effective as we see them descend deep underground, with the light from their head torches producing a nice lens flair, which makes them look like stars. This is a nice touch and shows some great vision from the director… or it could have been an accident, that’s possible too.
Once settled in the cave (and before they go to sleep – surely they could have just gone down the cave earlier in the day?), Burt lights two candles and begins typing using a typewriter. You would think that space and weight would be quite a big concern when going into caves so why on Earth (pun intended) a typewriter would be deemed as essential kit is beyond me, especially when he then burns what he has typed anyway.
In the morning (I guess it’s the morning, as after all, they are in a cave), when exploring the cave, Thelma’s dick rock begins pulsating and a little alien creature bursts out of it, knocking one of the group down a large hole. Thelma and the rest of the gang find her, put her on a stretcher and then lift her up. This scene lasts quite a while but is worth it in the end as another little alien beastie then bursts out of the injured parties face and attacks another member of the group until he gets decapitated.
Things are looking bleak as the gang are lost and running out of oxygen. I’m wondering if Burt still feels like a typewriter was the most useful thing to pack for this trip. The team split up (always a good idea) to try and find a way out of the cave. Of course it’s at this point that people start getting knocked off one by one as they encounter the aliens. We never really see what the fully grown aliens look like, or their evolution from the little beasties we saw burst out of the groups faces, which is a shame. With the crew now whittled down to Thelma and her hairdresser boyfriend (rest in peace Burt), they make it to the surface, remarkably easy considering how deep underground they made the cave seem earlier on in the film.
The pair soon realise that something strange has happened whilst they were underground as human inhabitants seem to have vanished into thin air. We then see them revisit the sets we saw earlier on in the film, such as the bar where they call out for the owner who sounds like her name is “Cunt-Swallow”, before making it back to the bowling alley. They split up again (because that worked so well earlier) and the boyfriend meets a grisly end. This leaves Thelma being terrorised by the aliens in the bowling alley – which she manages to escape by simply punching the beast in the face! Again, we don’t get a full view of the aliens as the shots of it appear to be done from inside the creatures mouth which, while being quite a cool shot, does wear thin pretty quickly.
Thelma runs out into the street shouting “where are you?” to the non-existent human population before collapsing. Before the credits roll, some text in Italian, which is also the tagline, appears stating “you may be next!” (or more accurately translated to “now it can hit you also”). The tagline is “ora può colpire anche te”. Of course, being able to hit people was the one thing HR Giger missed when designing his ultimate killing machine! What a fool he was! It is also worth noting that the aliens don’t actually hit anyone in the film, oops.
In summary, Alien 2 is a mixed bag. The score by Guido and Maurizio De Angelis is nice and adds a lot, especially when it all starts kicking off underground. The cast is largely forgettable, the gore and creature effects are nice when we actually see them, but the film drags in places and scenes appear to be there just to bulk out what is already quite a slim running time. I did have fun watching the film, the action in the caves is a highlight and the ending is bleak which pleases me, but the editing of the third act is largely quite amateur. The film seems to excel in some technical aspects but fails in others, as evident with the dodgy audio.
Overall, to the average viewer, I wouldn’t recommend “Alien 2: On Earth”. I certainly wouldn’t suggest it as an introduction to Italian horror cinema as it may put you off for good! Let’s hope you weren’t one of the unfortunate few who were fooled into believing this were the sequel to Scott’s “Alien” and were ultimately disappointed at the release, only to be confused upon the later arrival of “Aliens”*. However, if you have a penchant for whacky films, you may get a kick out of it, certainly as will fans of the genre.
* No evidence has been provided that any person were foolish enough to believe this.
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