Satan’s Baby Doll

AKA La Bimba Di Satana / Orgasmo Di Satana

Director: Mario Bianchi

This week we are going to be looking at some porn! Well, it’s not quite porn, I guess it’s more erotic horror? It’s got plenty of boobs and bush in it but probably has an equal amount of horror in it too. Ultimately the genre of the movie depends on your outlook, and which version of the film you have. A softcore version was originally released back in 1983 but then a hardcore version came to light in 2007 (this version seems to be called “Orgasmo Di Satana”). The version I have, from “Shameless Screen Entertainment”, is somewhere in the middle as it re-instates some footage from the hardcore version (albeit very worn and scratched).

“Satan’s Baby Doll” is brought to us by director Mario Bianchi (under the pseudonym Alan W. Cools) who has had a varied career, dipping into lots of genres, such is the way with many Italian directors, but seems to have spent a large chunk of his time making porn in the 90s. The film stars Marina Hedman, mainly known as a porn actress with some brilliantly titled films under her belt such as “The Nymphomaniac, The Transsexual And The Stud”, “With Aunt It’s Not A Sin” and “L’amante bisex” with “Beyond The Darkness” star, Kieran Canter.

Now, I do realise that the last paragraph probably does make it sound more like porn than anything else, but the cast does also include Mariangela Giordano who had previously appeared in zombie flick “Burial Ground: The Nights Of Terror” and would later appear in Michele Soavi’s underrated “The Sect”. The film could quite easily be written off as exploitative euro sleaze trash but there are some things in it which show that there is some artistic value.

The film opens on a castle as a storm rages outside. Well, I say rages, we simply see a day for night shot of the castle with a very unconvincing “flash” of lightning but it does the trick. Inside we see a group of people paying their respects to Maria (played by Marina Hedman). There’s Maria’s husband – Antonio (played by Aldo Sambrell), Miria – Antonio and Maria’s daughter (played by Jaqueline Dupré in her only film credit), Dr. Juan (played by Giancarlo Del Duca), Ignazio – Antonio’s wheelchair bound mute brother (played by Alfonso Gaita), Isidro – the caretaker (played by Joe Davers) and Sol – the resident nun (played by Mariangela Giordano). Miria walks towards her mothers body to place a flower upon her torso when suddenly Maria’s body convulses causing Miria to scream hysterically before cutting to the opening credits. At least, Miria seems to scream, then opens her eyes a bit to see if the director wants her to carry on, then closes them again. Don’t give up your day job Jaqueline… oh what, you didn’t.

With Maria’s body now in the castle’s crypt, Antonio, Dr. Juan and Isidro are discussing what happened. Dr Juan assures Antonio that it was simply a muscular spasm but Isidro has some slightly more left field opinions about Maria’s soul being immortal which are quickly dismissed by the Dr.

Miria is clearly struggling to get over the sight of her dead mother coming “back to life” and is being comforted in bed by Sol. At this point I honestly thought they were going to have sex, the looks between them linger for a long time and it even looks like Sol begins to lean in for a kiss but Miria falls asleep instead.

We then see Antonio talking to Dr. Juan outside where Antonio confronts the Dr. about his feelings for Maria. The Dr. dismisses this question and reminds Antonio that Maria was loved by lots of people. The Dr. gives Antonio a small pack of drugs for his brothers back pain but it soon becomes clear that Ignazio doesn’t see any of these drugs, as Antonio is using it for himself for recreational purposes. Naughty naughty. Dr. Juan says he will be back for Maria’s embalmment and then leaves; little does Antonio know that Sol and Isidro were listening in to their conversation the whole time – although this fact is never referenced again.

That night, we see Sol getting ready for bed whilst Antonio is injecting himself with his brothers back medicine. A general observation I have at this stage is Sol, a nun, has tan lines. Now, I don’t know much about “sisters” but I’m fairly sure nuns don’t lounge around in bikinis catching some rays! Ignazio appears at a crack in the door and begins watching Sol as she begins to masturbate. This scene lasts an age, admittedly this is where “Shameless” have included footage from the hardcore version, but even without that footage, it would still test anyones patience. What makes it slightly bearable is the weird choral love theme that plays which is silly but strangely catchy. There is also a repeated hilarious shot of a freeze frame of Ignazio layered over the top of footage of Sol rubbing herself. Yes, we get it, he’s watching her. The editing here is also quite amusing as it is pretty incoherent. Shots are re-used over and over; in one shot Sol is completely naked, and then the next she has her nightie on again. It’s a right old mess and I don’t think this is down to the re-inserting of the hardcore footage, I just think this is the way it was meant to be.

Ignazio’s private peep show comes to a premature end, however, as Antonio wakes from his drugged up state and scorns Sol for having cheap fun “at the expense of a poor paraplegic”. There seems to be a great deal of tension between Antonio and Sol, something which will be explored more later, but the scene ends with Antonio asserting his power and forcing Sol to take Ignazio back to his room. Not sure why she had to do that as he was perfectly capable of wheeling himself down the corridor for a bit of peeping tom action earlier.

Down in the crypt, we find Isidro rolling around on the floor and gurning. I think this is meant to be some sort of worship ritual, or something to do with the occult and it seems to be conjuring some sort of presence which is seen walking through the castle and into Miria’s room. The presence turns out to be the spirit of Maria and she lures Miria down to the crypt where her dead body lays.

As Miria pulls back the white sheet from over her mother’s body, she lets out a scream which awakes Antonio and Sol upstairs. They find Miria sobbing on the floor of the crypt saying that her mother came back to life. Of course, Antonio and Sol don’t believe Miria’s wild statement so Dr. Juan is called over to check her over. The Dr. recommends that Miria goes to a clinic to receive treatment for shock. This suggestion is met with opposition from Miria but the Dr. leaves the room without pushing it, stating that she is a clever girl and will change her mind.

Whilst at the castle, the Dr. takes the opportunity to embalm Maria. As he is about to inject her dead body, Maria springs to life and begins taunting him about when they were lovers. Maria then stabs the Dr. with the needle which causes him to die almost instantly. Maria then returns to her dead state.

Some time later, the rest of the household (apart from Miria) find the body of the Dr. and have a discussion about what to do. For some strange reason, Antonio seems keen on burying the body in the basement and dumping the Dr’s car in the lake. Reluctantly Sol, Ignazio and Isidro agree to go along with this plan and also not to tell Miria as the shock may be too much for her.

The next day, while wandering around the grounds of the castle, Antonio and Sol bump into each other. Sol explains that Miria is under the impression that the Dr. has left the castle because he realised she would not be going to the clinic. Pleased that Sol was able to manage the situation without raising Miria’s suspicions about the Dr’s sudden disappearance, he then begins to try and seduce her. Well, I guess that’s what he is doing, he just sort of tells her the only reason she is staying in the castle is because of him, to which she rejects the claim, stating she is only staying to look after Miria and Ignazio. Sol storms off and Antonio says something akin to “she will be mine, oh yes, she will be mine”: a la “Wayne’s World”.

That night, we find Isidro performing another sort of ritual, this time on a mummified corpse as a way to rid the evil from inside Miria and the curse which has taken over the castle. The ritual, for all intensive purposes, looks like some sort of shit Reiki, and we have to endure some lingering shots of Isidro hovering his hands over the body of the deceased, intercut with shots of Miria playing with herself at the same time.

Suddenly Miria begins to hear her mother’s voice who orders her to kill Isidro. Miria makes her way down to the crypt where she finds Isidro waiting for her. He explains that he is trying to rid her of the devil and to save her when the mummy begins to come to life and eventually strangles him. The mummy is actually quite creepy and when it’s head first turned to face Isidro with it’s dark, hollow eye sockets, it did give me a chill. As Isidro dies, we hear Maria laughing, which sounds very similar to the old lady laughing in Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 adaptation of “The Shining”.

The tone then shifts quite considerably as the choral music plays again whilst Sol is cleaning Ignazio’s junk. Well, I think she is drying it really and she’s doing a bloody thorough job. Whilst this is happening Ignazio is presumably trying not to get an erection while having flashbacks to when he saw Sol playing with herself.

Any chance of Ignazio pitching a tent is quickly dashed by his brother Antonio entering the room to talk to Sol. Antonio blames Sol for the murders happening in the castle. This sends Sol on a rant about how Maria never loved Antonio, and that he is jealous of the people she did care about. Rather than making Antonio angry though, this seems to arouse him as he grabs hold of Sol, saying “I want your mouth, I must have you”. Of course, Sol rejects Antonio’s advances and storms out of the room.

Later that day, Antonio wheels Ignazio through the castle and down to the crypt where Antonio explains that Ignazio will die of starvation. This is because Antonio knows that Ignazio and Maria had also been lovers whilst Ignazio had been able bodied… ouch! The camera for this scene is placed between Ignazio’s feet, and as we are wheeled through the castle, we get to see the beautiful painted ceilings whilst being able to see Ignazio’s reaction to what his brother is telling him. The camera work is really effective and shows some real artist flair.

Shortly after Antonio leaves Ignazio, Miria wanders into the crypt and begins to silently undo his trousers. Miria then transforms into Maria and she begins to gaud him to get out of the wheelchair so they can be together like before. Ignazio gets up from his chair (faker) and makes his way towards where Maria is now standing only to fall down a hole to his death. The next shot is confusing as we see the wheelchair now next to the hole and Miria then appears behind it as if she had simply tipped him out of the chair and down the hole, either way, he’s a goner.

Back upstairs we find Antonio in desperate need of another hit of his brothers drugs so he bursts into Sol’s room to get the remaining stash. Whilst there he tells Sol that he knew about her affair with Maria and that he has a tape recording of one of their nights of passion. If you are going to cheat Maria, maybe look further afield than the people living in the same building as you, it’s less complicated. We are then treated to a flashback of Sol and Maria’s lustful encounter in all it’s scratched glory accompanied by the choral music again.

Antonio then takes a struggling Sol down to the crypt where she will “rot like a bitch”, whatever that means. Left with his dead brother’s drugs, he goes back up to his bedroom to get high. Shortly after injecting himself, he crashes out on the bed before Maria enters the room, much to Antonio’s disbelief. Performing a scene with an actual pornstar seems to be a bit much for Aldo Sambrell as there is a suspicious bulge in his pants, ew. We then get to witness some truly bizarre kissing from Maria before she then moves down his body where I presume she performs oral sex.

The blow job seems to give Antonio a flashback where we see him and Maria arguing. It would appear this is the point that Antonio realised that Maria was sleeping with all and sundry. Maria exclaims that she sleeps with who she likes as he is impotent; he didn’t bloody look it in the previous scene. This is the last straw for Antonio and he strangles Maria in cold blood. Back in the present, Antonio comes to, and looks down to see that Maria has transformed into Miria. So hang on, did she just suck off her dad?

Antonio flees the bedroom in a panic but bumps into Maria/Miria on the stairs. There is an alternative version of this scene on the DVD, one essentially showing more of Antonio’s limp dick than the other. Not a particularly worthwhile special feature but I do find it funny it has been included. I’ll go with the version with the least amount of wang in it thank you very much.

We are then treated to a hilarious scene where Antonio backs into the balcony rail whilst trying to get away from Maria/Miria and accidentally tumbles over the side to his death. There is no way that the force he bumps into the rail would cause him to topple over the side, plus he actually turns and looks down first, and then it quickly cuts to an obvious dummy being pushed over. Great stuff. Thankfully he manages to land with his dressing gown covering his love stick this time.

Maria/Miria makes her way down to the crypt where she tries to seduce Sol. “I killed who kept me away from you, and now, through this body, you’ll be mine forever” Maria/Miria says groping Sol’s breast. Sol doesn’t seem too keen on this situation and after being molested a bit more, manages to break away. She runs deeper into the crypt where she finds Maria’s dead body. Sol then strips naked and offers herself to Maria in exchange for setting Miria free. Maria’s arms slowly wrap around Sol (who is now lying on top of her) and squeezes her to death.

The film ends on Miria, who has the same blank facial expression she has had for most of the film so it’s unclear if she is still possessed or not but frankly it doesn’t really matter. I just feel sorry for Isidro, he was the only one not to have a piece of Maria and he still got murdered.

“Satan’s Baby Doll” is a curious little film. It is low budget but uses its setting well and it has some lovely camera work and lighting. The acting is largely poor – Joe Davers plays Isidro so over zealously it’s almost admirable. Aldo Sambrell seems to play Antonio by largely twitching his lips and bulging his eyes. Mariangela Giordano comes away with the most amount of dignity and she out classes everyone she shares a scene with.

The score by Nino Catanese is over the top but actually quite well done and enjoyable. One piece of music reminded me a lot of Ennio Morricone’s work for John Carpenters “The Thing” whilst also sounding heavily influenced by Goblin.

In terms of sex, the film seems fairly tame by today’s standards. Most of it is close ups of fingers running through pubic hair and I certainly wouldn’t say any of it is particularly sexy. The scenes added from the hardcore version of the film don’t really add anything to the story but it’s interesting to see all the same.

One of the best things about “Satan’s Baby Doll” is the poster, which depicts a devil embracing a naked woman. After doing a quick bit of research, it seems this image is basically a copy of a painting called “Vampire’s Kiss” by Boris Vallejo. Michele Soavi would also use this image to great effect in his 1989 film “The Church”.

Overall, “Satan’s Baby Doll” is a half decent way to spend 75 minutes and has some nice artistic flourishes (including some Fulci-esque zoom and close ups on eyes) and unintentionally funny moments along the way… although I now can’t ejaculate without listening to choral music… thanks movie.